7 min read • By Leena Chitnis, Founder, Timberdog®
You bring home a new dog, and you’re ready for endless cuddles and heart-melting eye contact. But your new furry friend? They’re giving you side-eye from the corner of the room, or worse, hiding under the couch like you’re the boogeyman.
Relax. Building a bond with a dog takes time, consistency, and knowing what actually matters to them. Let’s talk about how to make your dog fall in love with you—no cutesy baby talk required.
1. Respect Their Space
Imagine moving in with a stranger who immediately wants to hug you, touch your face, and stare deeply into your eyes. Uncomfortable, right? Dogs feel the same way.
If your new dog isn’t warming up to you right away, give them some space. Let them come to you. Sit on the floor, avoid direct eye contact (which can feel threatening to a nervous dog), and just be present. If your dog is downright aggressive, your dog will need different tactics.
Dogs are curious. If you’re patient, they’ll start to sniff you, circle you, maybe even nudge you. That’s their way of saying, “Okay, I’m ready to check you out now.”
2. Speak Their Language
Dogs don’t care about the words you use. They care about your tone and body language. So, stop with the endless chatter and focus on what they actually understand.
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Tone of Voice: Keep it calm and happy. Excited, high-pitched voices can make anxious dogs even more jittery.
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Body Language: Don’t loom over them. Crouch down, turn slightly to the side, and avoid staring them down. You’re less intimidating that way.
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Petting Style: Skip the head pats. Go for gentle chest rubs or scratches behind the ears. Dogs don’t love getting smacked on the top of the head, even if it’s meant as affection.
3. Be the Food Source
You know what’s stronger than a dog’s fear? Their appetite. Food is one of the fastest ways to earn a dog’s trust.
But don’t just toss treats at them like you’re trying to feed pigeons in the park. Use food strategically, especially if they're picky.
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Hand-Feeding: Offer small pieces of kibble or treats from your hand. This not only builds trust but also teaches them that good things come from you.
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Scatter Feeding: Scatter treats around you so they associate you with good stuff, without the pressure of direct interaction.
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High-Value Rewards: Use the really good stuff—cheese, chicken, hot dogs—when they approach you or make eye contact. They’ll start to connect you with the best things in life.
4. Play the Right Way
Playing with a dog isn’t just about throwing a ball or tugging on a rope. It’s about reading the room.
If your dog is shy or fearful, high-energy games might overwhelm them. Start slow with gentle, low-key interactions. Roll a soft toy across the floor and let them chase it. Toss a treat a few feet away and see if they’ll bring it back.
If your dog is more outgoing, go for classic games like fetch or tug-of-war. Just keep it controlled. Wild, frenzied play can sometimes make dogs anxious or overstimulated.
And whether outdoors or in, make sure play time happens in the right type of environment.
5. Walks Are Your Bonding Time
Walks aren’t just for bathroom breaks. They’re prime bonding opportunities.
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Stay Off Your Phone: This is their time with you. Be present. Watch for what they’re interested in, whether it’s sniffing every blade of grass or watching the neighbor’s cat slink by.
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Practice Recall: Every so often, call their name and reward them with a treat when they come to you. This reinforces that coming to you means good things happen.
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Match Their Pace: Don’t drag them along like you’re on a power walk. Let them stop and sniff. Sniffing isn’t just about smelling stuff—it’s how dogs decompress and learn about their environment.
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Make Sure Walks Make them Happy: If they're particularly hateful of their leash or get aggressive whenever they're leashed up, you may need to take care of that before making walks a consistent thing.
6. Keep It Consistent
Dogs thrive on routine. They like knowing what’s coming next. If you’re erratic with feeding times, walks, or play sessions, they won’t know what to expect from you.
Set a schedule and stick to it. Feed them at the same time every day. Walk them at consistent times. Play with them for a few minutes every evening.
Predictability equals security. And security fosters trust.
7. Learn Their Likes and Dislikes
Not every dog likes belly rubs. Not every dog wants to be hugged. The more you pay attention to what your dog likes and dislikes, the easier it is to connect with them.
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Signs They’re Uncomfortable: Yawning, lip licking, turning away, stiff body posture, avoidance.
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Signs They’re Loving It: Wagging tail, soft eyes, leaning into you, relaxed posture.
8. Let Them Be Themselves
Some dogs are cuddly. Some aren’t. Some will follow you from room to room like your little shadow. Others are more independent.
Don’t take it personally if your dog isn’t glued to your side. Instead, meet them where they are. If they’re more aloof, show affection through low-key interactions, like sitting near them without crowding them or gently tossing a toy their way.
9. Stay Calm, Stay Patient
Building a bond takes time. If you’re anxious, frustrated, or trying too hard, your dog will pick up on it.
Take a deep breath and focus on what they need in that moment. Be absolutely zen. Maybe they need some quiet time. Maybe they need a gentle walk. Maybe they just need to sit next to you in silence for a while.
Rushing the process will only make them more hesitant. Stay calm. Stay patient. Let the relationship develop at their pace.
10. Be Their Advocate
If your dog is uncomfortable around strangers, loud noises, or other dogs, don’t force them to “get over it.” Instead, be their protector.
Step in and redirect their attention when things get overwhelming. Create a safe space where they can retreat if they feel anxious. When your dog knows you’ve got their back, they’ll trust you more—and that’s a major step toward bonding.
11. Make Grooming a Positive Experience
Brushing, bathing, nail trimming—it can all be stressful for a dog. But it doesn’t have to be.
Take it slow. Offer treats throughout the process. Use a calming voice. If your dog learns that grooming means yummy snacks and gentle handling, they’re more likely to associate you with positive experiences.
12. Speak Softly, Move Slowly
Some dogs are sensitive to loud noises or sudden movements. If you’ve got a skittish pup, practice being calm and deliberate.
Speak softly, move slowly, and avoid sudden gestures. Over time, they’ll learn that you’re not a threat, even if they’re feeling nervous or unsure.
13. Give Them a Job
Some dogs are happiest when they have a purpose. Try teaching them a few simple tricks or commands.
Sit, stay, come, shake—each command they master builds their confidence and strengthens their bond with you. Plus, they get to work for treats, which makes you the hero in their eyes.
14. Make Eye Contact—But Not Too Much
Once your dog is comfortable with you, try gentle eye contact. Studies show that when dogs and humans share a soft gaze, both release oxytocin—the same hormone that helps mothers bond with their babies.
But don’t overdo it. Intense staring can be perceived as a threat. Keep it soft, keep it brief, and follow it up with a reward.
15. Have Fun, Often
Bonding isn’t just about treats and playtime. It’s also about sharing meaningful experiences. Take your dog on a hike, a car ride, or even a trip to a pet-friendly café. New environments provide mental stimulation and give you both opportunities to explore and navigate the world together.
Keep the outings positive by bringing treats, maintaining a relaxed demeanor, and allowing your dog to set the pace. The more enjoyable experiences you share, the more your dog will associate you with good things—and that’s the real foundation of love.
Final Thoughts: You’re Building Trust, Not Just Love
Love is great, but trust is better. If your dog trusts you, love will naturally follow. So take your time, pay attention, and remember: your dog is watching everything you do.
Show them that you’re safe, predictable, and, yes, the bearer of all the best treats. And they’ll love you for it.
Does your dog already love you? Wyatt West shares the signs.
Photo credit: my iPhone on a timer ;)